Best Sports Commentary in the History of Mankind

Just last month I made it my personal goal to watch all of The Undertaker's Wrestlemania matches before May, and I finished well ahead of schedule. Just before we go on, I'll clarify a few things.

1. Who is The Undertaker?-> I could probably go on and on about his accolades and how he's carrying the WWE (one of the premier professional wrestling promotions today) on his shoulders, but I'll just say he's one of the WWE's senior wrestlers, being 43 years old and having competed for 18 years now.

2. What is Wrestlemania?-> Every month, WWE holds one pay-per-view event where most of the storylines and fights between wrestlers either start or end (in contrast to their weekly televised shows). If a regular pay-per-view is given so much importance, Wrestlemania is most likely the most important pay-per-view event in not only the WWE, but in all of sports-entertainment.

3. What does Undertaker have to do with Wrestlemania?-> For all the 16 years he's competed at Wrestlemania, The Undertaker has never lost, and the list of wrestlers he has fought against is a very decorated list with Jimmy Snuka, Jake the Snake Roberts, Kevin Nash, Kane, Triple H, Edge, Ric Flair, and our country's very own Batista.

But that's not important right now. Right now, I am focused on two lines made by the commentary team during The Undertaker's then third Wrestlemania appearance against Giant Gonzales, which to this date is his only win at Wrestlemania by disqualification.

Click this link to watch the second half of the match.

Look at 6:59 to 7:02. As The Undertaker returns from backstage after being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag, Bobby Heenan shouts "He is living proof that . . . . . he is not alive."

I first laughed my ass off at this one. Believe me, an athlete like The Undertaker is no laughing matter. Unlike the steroid jockeys in the WWE today (cough)John Cena(cough), The Undertaker is not only big and imposing, but has the in-ring skill to back it up, with flying moves and submission holds that put people almost a foot shorter and almost 60 pounds lighter to shame. And his character is just terrifying. When I was a kid, I didn't check my room the Bogeyman or the closet monster, but I checked it for The Undertaker.

But when I heard this, this just took the cake. I mean, only in professional wrestling can a man be living proof that he is not alive. I'll bet one day, back in 2000, while recuperating from a groin injury, The Undertaker realized what Heenan said at this point and took that comment to be the inspiration to change his gimmick from a supernatural zombie-like figure to an actual living person. To the delight to some of his fans, he's just recently (like 4 years ago) returned to his roots.

But then look at 7:53 to 7:57. Randy Savage says "They're gonna have to change Giant Gonzales' name to What Happened."

That one speaks for it self. Way to foreshadow the two competitor's careers. Gonzales retired a few years after that match, his short career being punctuated mostly by his ludicrous height and ridiculous bodysuit. In contrast, The Undertaker went on to become one of the most revered figures in sports-entertainment. Leave it to Randy Savage to know when someone's career is going to fail then rub it in their faces years before it does.

I can't say this was one of the best of The Undertaker's Wrestlemania matches. It, in fact, has gotta be one of the worst, but the astounding and mind-blowing commentary made me enjoy this classic in a way different from the way I did the 15 other matches.