Operation: Punchline

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Virginity Test

This test will try to "measure your virginity" in terms of a percentage. You start with a 100 percent virginity rating and must deduct 1 percent for each of the acts listed here which you've already done. This is obviously not a serious test, and should only be taken as a joke-quiz or something to pass the time.

Have you:
1.Smoked.
2.Drank alcohol.
3.Cried when someone died.
4.Been drunk.
5.Had sex.
6.Been to a concert.
7.Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.
8.Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
9.Been verbally sexually harassed.
10.Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
11.Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12.Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13.Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14.Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15.Been to prom.
16.Cried at school.
17.Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18.Went streaking (running in public naked).
19.Given a lap dance.
20.Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
21.Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22.Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23.Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25.Went scuba diving.
26.Driven a car.
27.Gotten an xray.
28.Hit by a car.
29.Had a party.
30.Done drugs.
31.Played strip poker.
32.Got paid to strip for someone.
33.Ran away from home.
34.Broken a bone.
35.Eaten sushi.
36.Bought porn.
37.Watched porn.
38.Made porn.
39.Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40.Been in love.
41.Frenched kissed.
42.Laughed so hard you cried.
43.Cried yourself to sleep.
44.Laughed yourself to sleep.
45.Stabbed yourself.
46.Shot a gun.
47.Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48.Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
49.Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
50.Watched an animal die.
51.Watched a person die.
52.Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53.Pranked somebody.
54.Put somebody in the hospital.
55.Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56.Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57.Dressed punk.
58.Dressed goth.
59.Dressed preppy.
60.Been to a motocross race.
61.Avoided somebody.
62.Been stalked.
63.Stalked someone.
64.Met a celebrity.
65.Played an instrument.
66.Ridden a horse.
67.Cut yourself.
68.Bungee jumped.
69.Ding dong ditched somebody.
70.Been to a wild party.
71.Got caught stealing something.
72.Kicked a guy in the balls.
73.Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74.Went out with your friend's crush.
75.Got arrested.
76.Been pregnant.
77.Babysat.
78.Been to another country.
79.Started your house on fire.
80.Had an encounter with a ghost.
81.Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82.Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd to be asked out by.
83.Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84.Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
85.Sat on your ass all day.
86.Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87.Had a job.
88.Gotten cut from a sports team.
89.Been called a wh0re.
90.Danced like a wh0re.
91.Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92.Been in a car accident.
93.Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94.Been told you have beautiful hair.
95.Raped somebody.
96.Danced in the rain.
97.Been rejected.
98.Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99.Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100.Been raped.

Credits to DotAPortal for the quiz.

Best Sports Commentary in the History of Mankind

Just last month I made it my personal goal to watch all of The Undertaker's Wrestlemania matches before May, and I finished well ahead of schedule. Just before we go on, I'll clarify a few things.

1. Who is The Undertaker?-> I could probably go on and on about his accolades and how he's carrying the WWE (one of the premier professional wrestling promotions today) on his shoulders, but I'll just say he's one of the WWE's senior wrestlers, being 43 years old and having competed for 18 years now.

2. What is Wrestlemania?-> Every month, WWE holds one pay-per-view event where most of the storylines and fights between wrestlers either start or end (in contrast to their weekly televised shows). If a regular pay-per-view is given so much importance, Wrestlemania is most likely the most important pay-per-view event in not only the WWE, but in all of sports-entertainment.

3. What does Undertaker have to do with Wrestlemania?-> For all the 16 years he's competed at Wrestlemania, The Undertaker has never lost, and the list of wrestlers he has fought against is a very decorated list with Jimmy Snuka, Jake the Snake Roberts, Kevin Nash, Kane, Triple H, Edge, Ric Flair, and our country's very own Batista.

But that's not important right now. Right now, I am focused on two lines made by the commentary team during The Undertaker's then third Wrestlemania appearance against Giant Gonzales, which to this date is his only win at Wrestlemania by disqualification.

Click this link to watch the second half of the match.

Look at 6:59 to 7:02. As The Undertaker returns from backstage after being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag, Bobby Heenan shouts "He is living proof that . . . . . he is not alive."

I first laughed my ass off at this one. Believe me, an athlete like The Undertaker is no laughing matter. Unlike the steroid jockeys in the WWE today (cough)John Cena(cough), The Undertaker is not only big and imposing, but has the in-ring skill to back it up, with flying moves and submission holds that put people almost a foot shorter and almost 60 pounds lighter to shame. And his character is just terrifying. When I was a kid, I didn't check my room the Bogeyman or the closet monster, but I checked it for The Undertaker.

But when I heard this, this just took the cake. I mean, only in professional wrestling can a man be living proof that he is not alive. I'll bet one day, back in 2000, while recuperating from a groin injury, The Undertaker realized what Heenan said at this point and took that comment to be the inspiration to change his gimmick from a supernatural zombie-like figure to an actual living person. To the delight to some of his fans, he's just recently (like 4 years ago) returned to his roots.

But then look at 7:53 to 7:57. Randy Savage says "They're gonna have to change Giant Gonzales' name to What Happened."

That one speaks for it self. Way to foreshadow the two competitor's careers. Gonzales retired a few years after that match, his short career being punctuated mostly by his ludicrous height and ridiculous bodysuit. In contrast, The Undertaker went on to become one of the most revered figures in sports-entertainment. Leave it to Randy Savage to know when someone's career is going to fail then rub it in their faces years before it does.

I can't say this was one of the best of The Undertaker's Wrestlemania matches. It, in fact, has gotta be one of the worst, but the astounding and mind-blowing commentary made me enjoy this classic in a way different from the way I did the 15 other matches.

Fast Food Freestyle

In light of the recent McDonald's mishap, I'd like to lighten the mood and share one thing fast food is good for. That is, making raps about fast food. Here's a nice little youtube video I found showcasing an actual teen ordering from a fast food chain via rap.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLn45-7Pn2Y

If you didn't catch that, the rhymes go like this:

I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce
Don't be frontin' son no seeds on a bun
We be up in this drive thru
Order for two
I gots a craving for a number nine like my shoe
We need some chicken up in here
In this dizzle
For rizzle my mizzle
Extra salt on the frizzle
Dr. Pepper my brother
Another for your mother
Double double super size
And don't forget the FRIES...

If you ever feel the compulsion to piss off a fast food attendant, just for the thrill of it, this rap's sure to do the trick.

The Invincible Iron Man

One of the movies coming this summer which everyone should really be looking forward to is the the iconic Marvel hero's film debut, Iron Man. As for those who are unaware of the story, here it is. Industrialist, weapons designer, and billionaire playboy Tony Stark is wounded in the heart by a piece of shrapnel whilst kidnapped by terrorists, who demand that he make them a super-powerful weapon. Instead, Stark creates a suit of impenetrable powered armor, escapes his captors and returns to America. There, he refines this armor in order to protect the people he had inadvertently put in harm's way, due to his weapons, and becomes the Invincible Iron Man!

The trailer can be found here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hx6TEqrzHU

Now I know recent Marvel films have had a track record of sucking horribly, like Spider-Man 3 and X-Men: The Last Stand not living up to expectations, Ghost Rider being a pure box office trash heap, and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer being just a little bit better than the original, but I surely hope to God Iron Man won't be as bad.

First off, it's directed by Jon Favreau, the man who brought us "Elf", so we know the movie itself is going to be a really fun ride. Second, the supporting cast is highly star-studded, with Jeff Bridges as villain Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger, Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow as assistant and love interest Virginia Potts, and Oscar-nominee Terrence Howard as the trusted Lt. Colonel James Rhodes/War Machine. And finally, the (Iron) Man himself, Tony Stark is played by Oscar nominee Robert Downey Jr. who not only handled the suit well, but held the lighter moments of the film as well, with superb improvised comedy skills.

While it may seem like a bad choice to have someone of Downey's age to play Tony Stark, Downey seems to make up for it with his own brand of humor, as well as his past experiences with substance abuse. Such experiences would of course help him continue to play Stark in the already planned sequels to the film, as Stark is a known alcoholic.

Hopefully the film comes together as planned. I'm really banking on this film to bring life back into Marvel Films, which since lost its light ever since Spider-Man 2, X2: X-Men United, The Hulk, and Fantastic Four were forgotten.

Knowing them, the film is going to be targeted where it counts most, at the kids who'd like a fun and enjoyable ride.

Tankmen

Before the return to the daily school grind, I just had to share this absolute golden flash cartoon series.

Now, Newgrounds is a famous flash website that hosts a variety of independently produced flash videos, games, and everything else you can make flash with. Their absolute notoriety aside (the mastermind of the Red Lake High School Shooting was a prominent poster on Newgrounds) they were recognized by their logo of a black-and-white man on a tank sitting against a yellow background.

Well, a few years back, someone decided to make a flash series based entirely on the premise of this iconic logo. The tankmen (in the series) are essentially black and white soldiers (ineptly) fighting for God knows what sort of cause. The series deals with the mishaps these soldiers get themselves into, and of course the very humorous exchange of penis-jokes.

I don't know how to post a video, so I'll put the youtube link below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wluwslGu8hE
Enjoy.

Duality

Ever since the publishing of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, fiction has always been fascinated with heroes and villains that have a certain nature of duality. It has been a common recurring element that heroes and villains in modern fiction are two sides of the same coin, with matching personalities, and similar goals.

Such examples include the Batman and the Joker. Both have undergone extremely bad days. Both have lost people they love. Both suffer from a sense of behavior and compulsion that one could describe as psychotic.

It is only in the manner which they treat such things are they different. The Batman is regaled as the hero, using whatever occurred in his past as motivation to aid the citizens of Gotham. The Joker, is reviled by the populace, using whatever occurred in his past as excuses to spread ironic suffering to the people of Gotham.

Another example would be Optimus Prime and Megatron. It was on the old Japanese editions of the Transformers that when the Autobot logo revolved, it would reveal the Decepticon logo. Furthermore, on their former lives on Cybertron, both Prime and Megatron were very respected leaders. Both Prime and Megatron only wanted the best for their fellow transformers.

However, it is how they try to approach their goals that makes them different. Prime wanted his Autobots to coexist peacefully with other races and to share a home alien to them with new, unique friends. Megatron wanted to destroy all life on a new planet in order to build a world all to him and his Decepticons. It would be fitting that both Prime and Megatron (in the old Japanese series) would be destroyed in the final, climactic episode, in a cancelling-out equation of sorts.

These things, are however, never seen in real life. There are always huge differences that set apart people. No matter how similar you say two people are, even twins, for that matter, the sense of duality is almost never present in real life.

That is because in real life, there's always a gray area. Life can never be seen as a two sided coin. Duality can only be conveniently found in the hands of an artist. And that, I guess, is to our blessing and convenience, because if there were any duality in life, well I'd guess we'd have long since destroyed each other.

I'll say that in order for people to coexist peacefully, we just have to accept that other people live too differently from ourselves for us to meddle in their lives. So much for duality then.